All's Fair in Love and War
by twitchy witch
Summary: Venger gets himself into trouble this time, in the kids' latest bid to get home.
1. Chapter 1

_I decided to repost this little story, mostly because it still amuses me after all these years, and also because it's my first fanfic ever. It was written waaaaay back in, I dunno, 1999 or something, shortly after I first moved out to Philadelphia for graduate school. It's unpolished and silly, and cracks the fourth wall a bunch of times, but I still love it. Back then my online name was "Zakiyah" and this story was originally posted under that name. Before I got all embarrassed and took it down, that is. _

All's Fair in Love and War

_Something has got to be done about those blasted kids!_

Venger winged his way homeward after having those obnoxious children foil yet another perfect plan. _This is just too humiliating. You'd think that after eliminating all of Dungeonmaster's other pupils that I'd be able to take on those six brats with no problems._

He swore (for the 67th time that year) that he would see those accursed children punished!

Preoccupied with thoughts of revenge, he absently sent fireball after fireball at the forest below him, watching the little fires with a vague satisfaction. He failed to notice that a large red head had poked up from between the branches to discover the source of the disturbance—and that this head was soon joined by four smaller ones of various colors.

One of the fireballs smacked the red head square between the eyes.

* * *

The kids had set out on their next quest, to find the ruins of the Silver City and retrieve the shattered amulet that resided there. In his usual cryptic way, Dungeonmaster had hinted that the amulet, once reassembled, could send them home. Of course, just so they didn't get their hopes up that this would be an easy task, he'd added, _"You will meet a master's apprentice who will guide your way. But be warned, one among you will be faced with a terrible choice, between what the heart desires most, and that which they seek. " _

"What?" interrupted Eric with his usual tact. "That's stupid! We all want to go home, right? What could we possibly desire more?"

There was no answer from Dungeonmaster. There was no Dungeonmaster to answer.

"Awww….he's gone!" It was always a shock to Bobby that Dungeonmaster could disappear right from under his nose, even when he tried to keep looking straight at him.

"You know what Dungeonmaster means by a terrible choice," Diana said grimly. "Venger will come after us, and we'll have to destroy it to keep him from getting it."

"Come on, gang, we have to try anyway," said Hank cheerily. "You never know, this could be our big chance!"

Eric remained unconvinced. "Suuuure it is_,_ Oh Eternal Optimist. That's what you said when we set out to find Merlin's Castle….the River that Flows Upwards….Zandora's Box…..the Heart of the Dragon…." He counted off on his fingers.

"But we did make it home at the river," Bobby pointed out. "We only came back because of _you!_"

"Ease up, guys, it wasn't anybody's fault." Sheila, always the peacemaker, stepped between the Barbarian and the Cavalier before things got messy. "Hank's right, we've got to try!"

And so they walked, and argued, and made up, for the rest of that day, as they had done every day since their arrival. They journeyed through weird mutant landscapes that reminded one of Salvadore Dali. They journeyed through lovely landscapes where even the Realm's rather lenient laws of physics did not seem to apply. And they journeyed through landscapes that looked so much like earth that the kids could almost forget they were trapped in a bizarre world of monsters and dragons and evil bat-winged sorcerers who wanted them dead.

Almost.

At one point they heard a loud roar from the direction of a nearby forest, followed by a great disturbance. They dove for cover and watched in amusement as Tiamat chased their frantic one-horned friend across the sky. _That_ was such a familiar sight that they didn't even bat an eye. They simply waited until the sounds of Tiamat's roaring and Venger's curses had faded, then continued on their way.

Around lunchtime, a small herd of jackalopes led them on a merry chase, but reached their burrows before the kids could catch them. Trying Diana's idea of smoking them out of their homes, they turned to find the cute little critters gathered on a hill nearby (having simply gone out the fire exits), staring pitifully at them with beady tear-drop eyes. Feeling terrible, the kids wandered off to find more berries, leaving the creatures chattering angrily about the smoke damage.

That night they rolled up in Presto's electric blankets, chatting about everything from Star Wars to Atari. Presto again tried to conjure up a power plant to heat the blankets, but the hat remained stubborn on this point and spit out a flower plant instead.

A shadowy figure lurked just outside their cheery firelit circle. After overhearing enough of their conversation, he flew off to make his report.


	2. Chapter 2

Venger was slouched in his favorite skull-shaped chair, exhausted. His wings, draped over the back of the chair, were singed and sore from his latest battle with Tiamat. He gazed morosely into a roaring bonfire, imagining a large five-headed dragon turning on a spit over the flames. _Perhaps, _he thought,_ after a thousand years, I'm getting too old for this. Maybe it's time to give that blasted stallion wings of its own._

A movement in the corner made him smile evilly. Shadowdemon was always fun to torment.

Venger listened to Shadowdemon's report with his typical scowl, until the poor shadow's nonexistent nerves were shot. So that's what the old man was up to. Venger had tried several times to fight, blast, or trick his way into the ruins to retrieve that amulet, all of which had failed. After the war in which the amulet was shattered, Dungeonmaster had placed a rather annoying spell that kept anything evil out. And it had worked quite well over all these centuries, much to Venger's frustration.

_A bold move_, he thought. _This will surely tip the balance of power. I shall have to see that it tips in my favor. And I shall finally get the revenge on his little pupils that I've been waiting for all this time. It will be so easy- I'll get them to break the spell, and have them find the pieces. Then I shall simply remove it from them and lock them in the ruins._

They'd get out eventually. But by that time he'd have already defeated Dungeonmaster. Then he would use the amulet's power to blast a certain five-headed menace from the sky! Then he'd come up with the perfect punishment for Dungeonmaster's little friends….

He settled back, aches forgotten, to plot. Shadowdemon sighed with relief and seeped out of the room. The Boss was never happier than when he was plotting to destroy something bigger and stronger than he was.

* * *

The next day, the children resumed their journey. Armed with Dungeonmaster's prediction that they'd meet a _master's apprentice_, they were not a bit surprised when they encountered a young man sitting on the road. "Good day, travelers!" he called. "Where are you running off to today, all on your own?"

"We're gonna find the wuimph ov Milfver Miffie" Bobby blurted as his invisible sister stuck a hand over his mouth. Bobby looked terribly embarrassed.

The stranger, a perfectly ordinary-looking fellow of human ancestry, laughed. "Would you be seeking the Silver City, young man? The little red man told me I might find fellow pilgrims if I waited on this path. When he vanished into thin air, I thought I was losing my mind. But here you are!"

"Hank, he's seen Dungeonmaster!" whispered Diana. "Do you think he's the one DM told us about?"

"That I may be, young lady." The stranger had remarkably good ears, it seemed. "I am Emmit, son of Miraz, now apprenticed to the wizard Jareth. My master sends all his apprentices on this journey, but so far all have failed." He gave a crooked smile. "I don't intend to. And who might you be, young ones?"

Hank was immediately suspicious, of course. In this place, nobody was _ever_ what they seemed—_especially_ when they were predicted by Dungeonmaster. But others soon took a liking to the stranger, especially Presto, who kept pestering the magician's apprentice about learning new tricks. So Hank tossed off his concern to his healthy paranoia of everyone and everything Realmish and welcomed the stranger to accompany them.

Uni trotted along behind them, sniffing the stranger suspiciously. But nobody paid her any mind, even when she started bleating, "_Meeeener, Meeeenerrr! Nyt's Meeener, nyoo nyummies!"_


	3. Chapter 3

Patience was not one of Emmit's strong points. His master had told him as much, all those years ago. "_The true path to knowledge is long and arduous. It requires the deepest commitment and patience…._"

"Patience," he'd quipped. "And how long will that take to learn?" At the time, the master had been sorely lacking a sense of humor and Emmit learned the meaning of frustration when he waited an entire year before he would teach Emmit anything new.

Emmit's face twisted into a sneer as he remembered what he'd learned, on his own, during that year. There were other roads to knowledge, much easier and much more…rewarding. And the master had never taken on any other apprentices.

Until now.

A_nd if that blundering wizard asks me one more question,_ he thought as Presto pulled off his hat and started whispering into it (giving him sidelong glances as if seeking approval), _I'll make him eat that hat!_

Presto gave a yelp and dropped his hat as a flock of ravens came winging from it. "Opps….that's not what I had in mind…" Then he had to chase one bold bird, who had seized the opportunity to grab the hat and make off with it. The others laughed at Eric's snide remark, and charged off to help Presto catch his wayward weapon.

Emmit seized the opportunity to ditch the kids for a moment and go over his plan. He concentrated briefly, his magic gathering invisibly around the group of children who had cornered the raven in a tree. The bird shrieked jeers and hopped about, terribly pleased with itself. He commanded it to keep distracting the kids while he enchanted them.

The shards they all sought were powerful, as they represented pure emotions. The children would not be able to handle their power without protection- should one of them touch the shard hatred, they would turn on the next person they saw. Should one of them touch envy, they would rival Venger himself in their attempts to possess the weapons of power. While it would be amusing to watch them destroy each other, it would be much more effective if they never even knew what kind of power they held.

A sudden thought struck him. Why would Dungeonmaster have risked the children if …

Emmit suffered a brief moment of doubt. Dungeonmaster knew. He _always_ knew. It was enough to drive anyone _mad!_

His spell went off silently and invisibly, and so far only the bleating unicorn had noticed anything amis. _There, it is done. Only one person left to protect- myself!_

Emmit turned to see how the children fared, and saw with a start that the thief was standing beside him, watching him curiously. "Whatcha doing, Emmit?" she asked.

"Practicing," he replied, wondering furiously whether she'd been within range of his spell.

"Are you sure you can't give poor Presto any pointers?" she said teasingly, with only a hint of wistfulness. "It would be nice if his hat worked even three percent of the time…I know, you made that vow, not to reveal any secrets. And you've been really good about keeping it. You must be really devoted to your master. Who was he, again? Jareth? Does Venger know about him? Aren't you afraid that Venger will try to defeat him, like Kelek?"

_Don't you ever shut up? _"My master has kept himself hidden," he replied shortly.

"I wish we could've. Kept ourselves hidden, I mean. But no, we're Dungeonmaster's champions," she said gaily, again with that hint of wistfulness. "Battling evil and saving the world and all that stuff. But as soon as we find that broken whatzit, we're going home. Finally!"

This piqued his interest a bit. "Will you take the weapons with you?"

She looked troubled. "I don't know. I kinda hoped Dungeonmaster would show up to claim them when we leave. But every other time we've found a portal, he never did. And Eric said we had to leave them here, along with Uni, back when he got to be Dungeonmaster. Did you know that? Eric got to be Dungeonmaster for a day! Who would've guessed he'd actually be good at it? And even though…."

_When I finally get that amulet reassembled,_ he thought, _I'm going to steal her voice and keep it locked in a seashell!_

"…and the minute we get the amulet," she continued prattling, oblivious to his deepening scowl, "you know that Venger will be breathing down our necks to get his nasty blue hands on it. And of course, Dungeonmaster disappeared before we could ask him how to actually use it! But maybe _you _know how!" she said thoughtfully.

Emmit smiled tolerantly. "I think I could learn," he said. "Then I could send you home myself! And with the amulet I'd have enough power to keep Venger from getting the weapons long enough to return them to Dungeonmaster."

The thief's face lit up with delight. "What a wonderful idea!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in an enthusiastic hug. "This is gonna be a great day, I can tell! I'll go tell Hank! Oh, are they still chasing that blasted crow?"

Emmit watched her run off, wondering if he'd kept the revulsion off his face. He forced a chuckle, thinking of what her face would look like when he revealed himself. _This will be a great day, for all of us. Once I get that amulet, I'll do better than simply punish them- after I've seized the shard and the weapons, I'll send them right out of this Realm! Won't Dungeonmaster be surprised when I have the amulet and his little champions are nowhere to be found?_

He paused, and his smile grew even crueler. _I'll send them out of __**this**__ world….but not necessarily __**home…**_


	4. Chapter 4

A few hours later, six children, a baby unicorn, and an arrogant apprentice stared in amazement at the Silver City.

The city was huge, with beautiful white pillars and rainbow-flecked stones. It would've made a perfect postcard, were it not for the fact that it was mostly horizontal. The once proud tall towers were lying wrecked, stone archways had collapsed, the silver ornamentation was bent and tarnished. The only part of the city still intact was the lovely stone wall surrounding it, and the huge, highly polished silver gates spelled tightly shut.

"How are we gonna get inside?" asked Eric.

"No problem," said Bobby, hefting his club with a look of gleeful anticipation.

"_Baaaaa!_" Uni bleated with encouragement.

"It will require all of your weapons together," Emmit interrupted before the Barbarian made mincemeat of the silver filigree. "Only good magic—or neutral magic wielded by the pure of heart—can break this spell."

"No problem," Hank replied, and the kids went through their normal routine of gathering weapon-power. Emmit watched in fascination as Hank bounced an arrow off Eric's sheild, which Diana tossed to Sheila, who covered it with the cloak and waved it to Presto, whose hat spit it at Bobby, who batted it at the silver gates.

Nothing flashy happened, except that the gates swung open with a sound like nails on a blackboard. Silence surrounded the first living creatures to enter the city for hundreds of years.

"So what happened here?" Presto asked finally, as the gang began to explore.

"A group of maji tried to harness the power of emotion," Emmit explained. "They believed that they could use it to destroy all evil within the Realm."

"Wouldn't that be a _good_ thing?" asked Diana.

"Evil fought back, of course," Emmit replied. "The Maji destroyed most of the dragons, and the entire Virulaxian race. They then planned to take out the orcs, the pollywogs, the lizardmen. Their next target would have been humans. Such was their quest for perfection that they became an evil unto themselves. For what is good without the balance of evil? You cannot have one extreme and not the other."

"What are the Virusaxis?" interrupted Bobby.

"They sound like some kinda disease," said Eric.

"Only one remains," Emmit said, somewhat miffed at their disregard of the moral of his story. "And you are well acquainted with _him_. I think it would be best if we split up. Bring the shards you find to me—I will be here near the gates." He started off to look by the wall.

"But—what happened?" asked Diana.

"There was a disagreement, and a battle, and the amulet was shattered. Ask me no more." The others exchanged confused looks, then followed Emmit's advice.

* * *

Everything was going perfectly. The Barbarian had found peace, and the Cavalier had just stumbled upon greed. And his protective charm was working perfectly. For once, it looked like his plan would succeed! A glint in the rubble caught his eye. _Yes! Another! _

He knelt and picked it up. A gentle, warm, fuzzy feeling filled him from head to toes. What was going on…? He mumbled a curse when he realized that he'd never gotten around to putting the charm on himself, after the thief had distracted him. He'd been too busy thinking about those stupid weapons….

_Don't panic…turn it over and see what this feeling represents…_

_

* * *

_

Sheila heard Emmit let out a stream of obscenities that no kid's show would ever allow. Curious, she slipped up her hood and went to investigate.

Emmit did not panic. He'd not gotten through a thousand years by losing his head over surprises and setbacks. He simply closed his eyes and conjured a mirror. _The next person I see….I shall simply ensure that it is myself._

He positioned the mirror carefully. Eyes still closed, he cast about himself magically for the presence of another person. Nobody was around. He opened his eyes—

–and saw a cute freckled face peering over his shoulder. "Whatcha got there, Emmit?"

* * *

"_HANK! BOBBBYYYYYYY!_"

The others had their weapons out in a flash. Sheila was nowhere to be seen, but her frantic voice continued screaming names. It was fairly obvious _why_—the frightening figure of Venger had unexpectedly exploded up out of the kneeling figure of Emmit and had started blasting the ruins to bits in his attempt to locate Sheila.

A brief battle ensued, ending when Hank's arrows sent the fuming sorcerer stumbling into an archway, and Bobby's club caused an earthquake that dislodged a huge boulder. The boulder toppled and dropped neatly right onto Venger's horned helm with a satisfying _splat_. When they went to investigate, Venger had disappeared.

"Just as well…that could've been pretty messy," said Hank.

"Got him! _Yes!_" Bobby held his club over his shoulder and struck a tough-guy pose. "Nobody messes with_ my sister!_"

"Speaking of your sister, Conan," Eric said sarcastically, "Where has the Invisible Woman run off to?"

It took ten minutes of coaxing before they convinced Sheila to de-cloak. Even then, she just knelt there, shaking, hugging Uni until the little unicorn bleated plaintively for air. "Gee, sis," Bobby said finally, prying the unhappy unicorn free of his sister's grip. "What did you do to make him so mad?"

"I didn't do anything! I just peeked over his shoulder and saw him looking into some kinda mirror!" Sheila stood on wobbly legs and grabbed Hank's arm for support.

"Now what are we going to do? Venger took one of the pieces!" Presto pointed out.

"Maybe Dungeonmaster will tell us what to do," Hank said.

"And maybe we'll all sprout wings so we can fly home," Eric snapped. "Since when did that little drip ever just _tell_ us anything?"

"I guess we'd better keep looking for the other pieces." Hank tried to tactfully peel Sheila off his arm and restore circulation. He gave up, resigned himself to having Sheila clinging to him for the rest of the day, and ordered the gang to continue the search.


	5. Chapter 5

Even Venger's tolerant horse, which had withstood being alternately burned/frozen/electrocuted by flying dragons and vaporized by various explosions without even a whinny of complaint, vanished quickly after dropping Venger back off at his fortress. For not only was Venger in a particularly foul mood, he now had a raging headache.

He cursed the Barbarian, the Barbarian's club and the club's maker, the Barbarian's parents and their uncertain lineage, the Barbarian's birthworld, and the blasted portal that had brought him here in the first place. His curses became a steady chant under his breath as he stomped painfully down the hall. "_SHADOWDEMON!_" he called finally, then winced.

The shadow had to hold his nonexistent breath and bite his nonexistent tongue to hold back an unseemly giggle. Luckily he didn't have a mouth, or Venger would've seen the barely suppressed smirk on his face.

"I want you to find the children. Find the shard 'hatred' and bring it to me."

"But—"

"_NOW!"_

Shadowdemon had never, ever finished a protest. One didn't question The Boss. Only when he was far out of sight of the castle did the malicious giggle escape him.

Venger continued to pace and curse. Preoccupied with this latest catastrophe, he hadn't yet realized that his single horn was broken and dangling in a ridiculous fashion as he walked. He couldn't believe it! He'd forgotten to protect himself because he'd been distracted by thoughts of weapons and amulets and revenge! What a stupid mistake! It was unworthy of him, unworthy of even an apprentice! Hadn't Dungeonmaster warned him about impatience? This was so humiliating! Everything was ruined! And now, he, Venger, was stuck with this curse!

Then, with typical Venger-logic, he switched the blame to the least deserving person.

The thief.

The twittering, chattering, vanishing, freckle-faced, red-headed, obnoxious little _thief!_

Venger let out a roar of rage, then slammed a hand to his aching head. He almost used magic to drive the headache away…but no, then he'd have to deal with the _other_ problem. Better to deal with the pain!

* * *

The kids had never seen Dungeonmaster speechless before. Obviously he'd foreseen a different outcome. They got a twisted kind of pleasure from seeing the confounded look on his face…that is, until he told them which piece was missing.

Then there was dead silence.

"Venger's in _**love?**__...with __**my sister?**_" Bobby repeated incredulously.

Sheila made a little strangled sound.

Eric was the first to recover. "There ya go! You were just saying the other day that you'd never met anyone special here!"

Diana started laughing. "Hey, ma! I've met this guy….no, he's not handsome, but he does have an impressive wingspan!"

Sheila turned various colors but bore their taunts well…until Eric and Bobby started chanting, "_Sheila and Venger, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!_" Then she tipped up the hood and vanished, appealing desperately to Hank to make them shut up.

"This is no laughing matter, my pupils," Dungeonmaster said (trying really hard to suppress a smile himself).

"Sure it is! This is the funniest thing to happen yet!" Presto was holding his side and stomping the ground with mirth. "YES! Venger in love, the ultimate revenge!"

"Come on, guys!" Sheila's voice pleaded desperately. "Don't you remember that he was trying to _kill _me a few hours ago? This is _serious!_"

"So what's your point, Sheila? Venger's always trying to kill us!" Diana was grinning ear-to-ear. There were giggles from all around.

"Sheila is right, my pupils. You are all in grave danger." That sobered them quickly. It was always serious when Dungeonmaster used their real names.

"So what else is new?" said Eric with a shrug. "So is it time for a new riddle, Your Tinyness?"

"Save it, Eric," Hank said, glaring at him. "Will the amulet work without the missing piece, Dungeonmaster?"

"Alas, no, Ranger. As in life, the amulet must be in balance to have its power. Hatred must be tempered by love. Neither can exist without the other, just as good cannot exist…without evil." He looked at the ruined city around them. "That is the sad lesson to be learned in these ruins."

"So what does that have to do with anything?" asked Bobby. "All we've gotta do is get the last piece, and BANG! We're home!"

"Myeeaaaaa!" agreed Uni enthusiastically. (Dungeonmaster tried not to look annoyed as the kids promptly ignored the moral of his story. Instead, he tried to think of a riddle to cover this new situation.)

"Do you think Venger's just going to _give_ it to us, Barbarian?" asked Eric sarcastically.

"Why not? He loves Sheila now!"

They all looked at the air where she'd been standing. "Ooooooh, no. Don't even_ think_ about it! I ain't going _NEAR _him! Dungeonmaster, what's he going to do? Will he come after us again? _What's going to happen?" _

Dungeonmaster's reply was the last thing they had ever expected to hear from him. "I don't know," he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Venger's servants didn't even bat an eye as a huge crash of thunder rocked the castle. They did cower, however, at the roar of frustration that followed it.

Apparently his attempts to remove the curse were not going well, Shadowdemon thought. All thoughts of returning from his mission empty-handed vanished immediately. He HAD to find that shard! He slunk out of the castle before The Boss could catch him lurking.

The Boss was currently covered in a nasty black sooty powder, the result of a failed spell. The cause of his failure sat on a small table nearby, shining innocently at him in a most infuriating manner. He ignored the smoke curling from his singed wings and broken horn and tried to think of alternatives.

_Enough of this. I cannot break the curse, and I cannot ignore it. I must get the remaining pieces! But this curse…I cannot stop thinking of her. I cannot focus on anything! I must punish that thief for giving me this weakness. What is the worst thing I could do to her? That's easy…what does she fear the most? _

A truly nasty idea dawned in Venger's devious mind. It even had a certain poetic justice to it. He would trap her alone, forever, in the very ring she had once imprisoned him in.

He retrieved the Ring of the Mind from where he'd hidden it after the latest battle with Kareena. _Now all I have to do is think of an appropriate way to deliver it to her..._

* * *

Amidst the arguments that followed, nobody noticed when Dungeonmaster disappeared.

Bobby was all for just heading over to the fortress and asking Venger for the piece. Eric suggested trading Sheila for it, and earned another kick in the shin from Diana. Diana felt they should break in and steal it. Presto wondered aloud how long Venger's protective charm would last—perhaps they should be worrying about suffering a similar fate if it wore off! Hank, who had an idea of why Sheila was now in great danger, felt that their best chance was to guard her carefully until the curse wore off. Unfortunately they weren't sure if it would wear off!

Sheila stayed invisible and tried not to worry. All Dungeonmaster would tell her was that Venger was not likely to allow himself such a weakness—and that he would undoubtedly confront them again soon. _"Beware the one you trust the most, my child,"_ he'd told her with that infuriatingly calm voice of his. _"One of you will still face a terrible choice."_

"How are you holding up?" Hank asked her, reaching for her invisible hand.

"I'm worried," she replied.

"Don't worry, sis!" Her brother thumped his hand with his club. "That creep gets near you and _POW_!"

Eric regarded the diminutive Barbarian with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sure he's quaking in his boots."

"We'll get that piece back, Sheila, you'll see." Diana patted her friend's invisible shoulder. "And then we'll make it home, finally!"

"Thanks, you guys. I don't know what I'd do without you." Sheila sounded close to tears. They joked with her to cheer her up, which worked—until the valley of the ruins began to fill with a creeping, chilly fog.

A fog that, according to Eric, had Venger written all over it.

* * *

A very annoyed Shadowdemon watched as The Boss filled the valley with fog.

Why? This would only make a tough job that much harder. How was he supposed to find the children and the missing shard in these mists? He shook his head in frustration. He'd never understood what went on in that one-horned blue head…

He regarded the valley with narrowed eyes. And if he did find them, how was he supposed to know which of them held the shard that The Boss desired? Hmmm. _Hatred._ Something that powerful would be carried by the most responsible of them. The leader. The shard he sought would by carried by the Ranger.

* * *

"Stick together!" Hank called unnecessarily. Presto had already produced a length of rope, and everyone grabbed it and held on tightly as Hank led them away.

The sun was setting and it was getting darker. The shadows of the great shattered city towered over them menacingly, making them jumpy. It didn't help that the fog was clammy and chilly and had a really ugly swampy stench to it that grew stronger as they walked. There were no other sounds around them, and the kids were reluctant to break the silence themselves.

"Are you sure we're going the right way, Hank?" Diana called finally.

"Yup! The gate was this way!" Hank called back confidently. _I think_, he added silently.

"This fog is awful! It's worse than…_oooh-blech_!" said Presto.

"What's _oooh-blech_?" demanded Bobby.

"Like snot, only worse," quipped Eric, and there was a chorus of groans and _eeeeeews_ from all around.

But not as many as there should have been.

"Hey—where's Sheila?"


	7. Chapter 7

Sheila held onto the rope as if it were a lifeline. Hank would get them out of this. Everything would be all right. Even if the others were being uncharacteristically quiet….

She gave a yelp as she realized that the rope had gone slack in her hand. Her invisible hands found a frayed end and the panic began to set in. _It's Venger he cut the rope and now he's going to get me and I'm all — _

She jumped as she heard her name being called. Their voices echoed, distorted, from all directions. "Where are you? Hank? Bobby?"

"Here!" a voice nearby called.

"Hank, is that you?"

"Over here!"

She ran toward the voice. "Hank! Oh thank goodness it's you!" she sobbed with relief as the Ranger's familiar face materialized from the mists.

For the second time that day, the thief threw herself into Venger's arms. And she didn't let go this time. Instead, she raised a lovely tear-streaked face and gazed into his eyes adoringly. A nice warm fuzzy feeling filled him as he stared back. A nice warm fuzzy feeling mixed with a healthy dose of panic.

For the first time in a thousand years, Venger was completely at a loss for words. _The little brother,_ he thought frantically, _I should have chosen the Barbarian! _

_

* * *

_

"She's nowhere near or she would've heard that," Diana said anxiously, slipping the megaphone back into Presto's hat.

"We haven't tried this yet," said Bobby, and let out an obnoxious _**BLAAAAAAA**_ with the bullhorn.

"Knock it off, you guys! I told you to keep it quiet! Do you want _EVERYTHING_ to know we're out here?" Hank reprimanded angrily.

"Don't worry so much, fearless leader! We can handle anything that's out here! And Sheila's smart enough to stay invisible until she finds us," Eric reassured him.

"Mr. Mouth is right, Hank," said Diana comfortingly. "She'll be all right. She's probably calling and we just can't hear her."

* * *

Venger pushed the thief firmly away from him. "_Don't,_" he said, for lack of anything better.

Sheila's face was a combination of hurt, annoyance, and frustration. "Sorry, Hank…I guess it was nothing after all. Sorry I misunderstood. It's just that..." She fell silent, and shrugged.

"What?" he said finally, curious.

"I sometimes get the feeling that you like me too. I guess it's silly. You probably have a girl already. You probably want someone your age."

(She obviously wanted him to contradict her, but Venger was trying too hard not to cringe at the ludicrous thought of _wanting a girl his age_ to make a response.)

"Maybe it's just that I still feel all alone out here," she continued.

"I know that's what you fear most," he said, remembering her trials at the Tower of the Celestial Knights.

"But it's more than just that," she said petulantly. "But you don't have to act like the brave leader here, you can just be yourself. Come on, Hank, let it go for just a minute."

"That would be a _bad_ idea," he said.

"I understand….I guess we can talk about it when we get home. I wish I had your strength! I'm so tired of being strong. I have to act strong for Bobby. But I sometimes lie awake at night and I want to just pull up the hood and never reappear again. Especially when I know that Venger's still out there, thinking of ways to kill us. Why does he hate us so much?"

_Oh, no reason…you only released my psycho sister, trapped me in a ring, destroyed half the magic portals in the Realm, wrecked my labyrinth, and foiled every single plot I've thought of to get your blasted weapons. You've only humiliated me a dozen times, you work for my greatest enemy, and generally wrecked the toil of a thousand years…_

"It's not just that we defy him and mess up his plans- he hated us before we even did anything!" she continued.

_That's what you think…I would've defeated Tiamat once and for all if you hadn't shown up!_

"I used to think maybe he wasn't all bad, after he let us go that time. I wonder why he's so plain mean! You'd think that after a thousand years, he's have learned to relax a little!"

* * *

Shadowdemon prowled the mists, seeking the children.

He heard voices ahead of him, the familiar, long-hated voices of two of the children. Seeping slowly toward them, he discovered the Ranger and the Thief sitting together on the stones of the ruins. What luck!

"I wonder what he thinks he's going to do with an entire world if he ever did conquer it?" asked the Thief.

The Ranger just shrugged, lost dreamily in the Thief's eyes.

The shadow rolled non-existant eyes. Lovestruck fool, it was so obvious… nipping that shard would be a piece of cake! Eyes narrowed in concentration, the shadow crept up behind the unsuspecting pair.

A moment later he sailed away triumphantly, a jagged shard clutched tightly in his ghostly hand.


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you see that?" Sheila asked suddenly. "It looked like..." But whatever it was, it was gone. "Nevermind, it was just a shadow or something. I guess I'm a little jumpy!"

Venger suddenly realized he'd just spent the last few minutes thinking of the exact shade of blue that would describe her eyes. Then he remembered the ring and tried to think of a really fitting way to present it to her. _If only she would start babbling about the Ranger again…Let her think that her beloved Hank had betrayed her._

"He seems to have it in for me especially. I know it's paranoid, but sometimes I think Venger tries especially hard to scare me in particular. Like the time he was going off about how he was gonna erase our past, and he…touched me." She shuddered. "No one else, just me."

"And the time he awaited you in the dungeon," Venger added thoughtfully. He tried not to smile at the memory of her frightened face.

"Yeah. He figured out you guys would send me in alone first, and really got a kick out of hiding in the dungeon cell in his Alfour suit. I was so _embarrassed _at the time for not realizing it sooner and running away," she said, then lapsed into the thoughtful silence of a sudden realization.

"I wonder what he's doing right now?" Venger wondered aloud, losing himself in the role.

"I think he's found the perfect revenge for me and he's got us all lost in a fog so he can deal with us one at a time," she said, her voice hard and confident. "He's just waiting for the right moment." She sighed. "I'm tired, Hank. I'm so tired of all this. I want to go home. I don't want to be scared all the time. I don't want to be always running…"

Venger found it a bit odd that she turned and hugged herself rather than turning to her beloved Ranger for support, then mentally kicked himself for being a little bit…disappointed. Even worse, he found himself…admiring her. _She's trying so hard to be strong, _he thought.

She turned suddenly, eyes bright with suppressed tears, and caught him playing with the ring. He tucked it behind his back and tried to look innocent (quite a challenge for the worst villain in the Realm).

What's that, Hank?" she asked curiously. "Is that your class ring?"

"Yes," he said, wondering what in the Realm a _class ring_ was. He hoped she hadn't recognized the Ring of the Mind for what it was—he hadn't disguised it yet.

"I guess you don't have a girlfriend back home or you would've given it to her," she suggested, but her expression wasn't too hopeful. In fact, the piercing look she leveled at him was rather disconcerting.

_Keep prattling, young one…you've just given me a wonderful way to present you with my little gift… _"No…I do not have a girlfriend," he said. "But I was thinking that…maybe…"

She smiled, a strange, lopsided smile and he saw the faintest hint of a nod.

Venger was getting a bit nervous again.

But suddenly she was all cute redheaded coyness. "Really, Hank? You'd really let the others know how you really feel about me?" Her voice grew softer. She walked toward him, holding him in place with eyes suddenly much mature than before. "I know I've had a hard time suppressing how I feel about you," she purred. "And it's _soooo_ romantic here, don't you think? The mist, the stone ruins…just the two of us, together…_alone…_"

Venger suddenly found himself retreating as she slowly approached him. No woman had _ever_ approached him with that look before! "Uuuuuhhh…" he managed, and felt the thump of a pillar on his back halt his retreat.

"It's all right, Hank. You don't have to say anything. I know now just how you feel." She was very close now, blue-green eyes gazing at him trustingly. "You know," she said murmured, "I've wanted to do this ever since we got to this world."

"W-what?"

_"This,"_ she breathed, and decked him for all she was worth.


	9. Chapter 9

"Sheila? Sheila?" Presto called occasionally.

The kids had agreed to split up and search in pairs. Presto paired with Eric, of course (for despite all his claims to the contrary, Eric didn't want to be without Presto's modern conveniences for a moment if he could help it), and Hank paired with Diana only after Bobby had thrown a fit about being _old enough_ to search with Uni. Hank had agreed in the end because he figured that Venger was only after Sheila, after all…and if he'd found her first, there was not much they could do, even in pairs, was there?

(But he didn't tell Bobby that.)

"C'mon, Presto—can't you pull something useful out of that crazy hat?" snapped Eric, once they were out of earshot of the Ranger.

"Ok, I'll try again…but I don't think it'll do us any good. Ummm…..Can you think of a word that rhymes with precipitation?"

"Oh, brother. This isn't a poetry contest, Presto!"

"Ok, I got it! _Abra-ca-vay! Hat, make my day! Give me a way to blow this fog away!_"

Eric winced at the rhyme, then grabbed the huge fan out of Presto's hands. Presto stared at the other object the hat had produced, and shrugged. The use of the gas mask because clear after Eric turned on the fan. It did nothing to clear the fog, but a lot to increase the really nasty swampy stench.

"Nice try, Hat," Presto said to it dolefully. "Come on, let's keep looking."

* * *

"Did you really think you could fool me again? _Twice in one day?_ You didn't even have a magic bow with you, you blue-faced creep! You know, it's not even a matter of good and evil anymore, Venger, it's a matter of principle- we can't let you rule the Realm because you're just too _dumb_ to rule it!"

Venger, once he'd finished sitting up and shaking the stars from his head, was getting the worst scolding he'd ever received.

"This isn't the first time! If you'd just let us go home you could take over anytime you liked! But no, it's_ 'give me the weapons'_ this and '_hand 'em over' _that and '_go away guards 'cause I want to take on these kids all by my myself'_ all the time, when you could be focusing your _meager_ brain power on something constructive!"

The worst part about it is that she's right, Venger thought sullenly. He rubbed his black eye and looking suitably chagrined, and tried to locate the thief by the sound of her voice.

"Did you ever consider that if you can't even manage to zap six kids, perhaps you aren't cut out for world domination?" she asked.

"Come out and I'll give it my best shot," he grumbled.

"Yeah, right!" she laughed. "So what's with the ring? Are you proposing?"

"It is the Ring of the Mind," he replied. There was a brief silence.

Then she started up again, freshly outraged. "That was really despicable, then! You are a_ twisted_ soul, you know that? Disguising yourself as someone I lo-…um…care about a lot and trying to trick me into trapping myself? You know what you need, Venger? You need a hobby. You have way too much spare time on your hands to be coming up with all these horrible ideas! Is this what you're always like? Or only when you're in love?"

He didn't reply.

"Venger….are you blushing?" she asked incredulously. "Now I've seen _everything!_"

"I'm thinking of all the ways I'd like to crush you and your friends," he said quickly.

"_Suuuure_ you are, big guy," she giggled. "Now would you get out of that Hank suit? You look ridiculous. Hardly as scary as you'd like to be, I'm sure."

"Are you quite finished, girl?"

She giggled again. "I suppose. No matter what happens next, I'll always have the satisfaction of knowing I outsmarted someone old enough to be my great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather!"

Venger, still looking just like Hank, growled an obscenity that Hank would _never_ have used.

She tipped back the hood and appeared, lounging on top of a broken column and flashing him a cocky grin. "You know what? I don't think I'll ever be really afraid of you again. You know why? 'Cause I don't think you can hurt us. I know why you have to come up with all those crazy schemes to catch us or erase our past…"

He aimed a bolt of lightning at her, which hit the column on which she sat instead. She sprang lightly to the ground as it collapsed and just as easily hopped up onto another perch.

"You see?" she said. "You can't kill us, can you? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But I think there's a lot going on here that I'm just starting to understand."

Venger resumed his normal form- tall, gaunt, old, terrifying. His wings unfurled and spread wide, and his red eyes glowed with fury. He truly appeared the embodiment of evil. "_Do not trifle with me, girl!_" he roared.

Sheila stuck her tongue out at him. "_PBBBBBBBBBT_!"

Venger couldn't believe it. "_HOW DARE YOU…_?" he roared. He stomped over to where she stood defiantly perched on the pillar, watching her lack of fear with extreme displeasure. He held up the ring. "Don't you know I am going to trap you forever? Alone?" He waved it menacingly, made it glitter evilly. "All I have to do is—"

"But you won't," she said softly. "Will you?"

Venger hissed through his teeth. "No." he grumbled.

(Sheila, face to face with her arch enemy, winced. "Don't you ever brush those fangs, dragon-breath?" she muttered under her breath.)

"I had another plan, in case this one failed," Venger continued. "Here." And he pressed the Ring of the Mind into Sheila's hand.

She looked at the ring, looked at him. "I don't get it."

"Throw it at me," he said. "Throw it at me again, and you'll be rid of me forever."

"WHAT?" She stared at the ring in horror.

"That's what you desire most, is it not? To see me punished, to see me vanquished? Then throw it at me, and know that you have saved the Realm from my evil forever. Dungeonmaster will send you home, or else you will find another portal back to your birthworld. We both know that ever since your victory in the Dragon's Graveyard, you all wished passionately for a second chance."

Sheila was no dummy. "I don't believe you for a second. This is just a trick too. You know that if I throw this ring at you now I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life. I couldn't take advantage of you like that—especially if you're doing it out of love!"

"Of course. But how will you feel later, when I have destroyed the last portal to your world, and have you and your friends at my mercy…how will you feel then, knowing you had that chance to destroy me?"

Sheila was impressed. "Clever! You're terrible even when you're in love!"

"Yes," he agreed. "An interesting sensation, hating and loving something so much at the same time. I wish to give you the thing you want most, as long as I know it will destroy you in the end."

"But you're wrong, Venger. You're the only one here who's driven by revenge. That's not what I want most!"

"What else is there? What more could you want?"

"The same thing I've always wanted, Venger. All we ever wanted was to go home. Besides, I'm not all that stupid, you know. You'd get over your love-curse if I threw this ring at you, 'cause then you'd know for sure that I hated you."

Venger nodded. "Exactly. And you do hate me, do you not?"

Sheila grinned. "Not really. You're a pain in the butt, you are arrogant and clueless, and you keep messing up our chances to get home. You have a really repetitive dialogue and _REALLY_ bad breath. But you've never actually hurt us, and I don't think it's because of your lousy aim! And who knows, maybe you do the Realm some good by keeping the orcs in line and Tiamat busy."

Venger was looking a bit shellshocked at this._ You're not helping things_, he thought.

"Besides, that punch was pretty therapeutic. And I got to say just about everything I've ever wanted to say to you. Except there's one thing I still haven't said yet."

Venger raised an eyebrow. "Oh, _is there?_" he growled.

Sheila leaned close and whispered in the tone of a fellow conspirator, "Venger…YOU are the only FOOL around here."

Before Venger could reply, a shadowy form seeped through the mist. "Master! I have the shard!"

"At last!" Venger turned back to Sheila. "Well, then, child…you will find that I will not be so merciful, once this curse is removed. You'd better start running."

Sheila folded her arms with a strange smile, acting on a sudden hunch. "I suppose you should probably look at me again when you touch it, hmm? Just to be sure you're over your love for me?"

Shadowdemon turned to give her an incredulous look. The Boss? In love with a mortal girl old enough to be his great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter? What a ridiculous idea!

"By the way, Venger…your plan didn't work," Sheila continued. "I won't feel one bit guilty about letting you go."

Shadowdemon's startled glance returned to The Boss, who (now that he noticed it) was looking rather worse for wear. Apart from his broken horn and singed wings, he now had a fine shiner on his left eye.

"Not a word," Venger growled at him.

Shadowdemon swallowed his questions and held up the stolen crystal. Being little more than animated darkness, Shadowdemon could not have known which emotion any of the shards represented. Thus, he could not understand Venger's reaction when he dropped the shard into The Boss's waiting hand.

Venger felt a sweet, warm, fuzzy sensation fill his very being with its sweet strength.

_Oh, no. _

"Shadowdemon…" he said, fixing his eyes grimly on the crystal, "where did you get this?"

"I stole it from the Ranger himself…while he was occupied with…this…um…girl…." The cringing shadow began to back away.

Sheila began to laugh merrily.

And Venger, still staring at love in his open palm, felt a sense of irony (along with a shiny, happy, cheery _ray-of-sunshine-y_ feeling coming from the vicinity of his heart). Dungeonmaster was right again—evil deeds coming back to their source and all that nonsense. It seemed he was always setting himself up for his own destruction. It was maddening. It was enough to make him do something he hadn't done in over a thousand years.

He laughed, too.

Shadowdemon hadn't a clue what to make of all this. He decided that perhaps he should laugh as well, for it was obvious that they'd both gone mad. And so he did.

"Get out of here, Shadowdemon," Venger told him finally. Shadowdemon ceased laughing abruptly, and slunk out of the fog like a kicked dog.

"I don't even want to think about what this means, about what you thought you were doing about five minutes ago," said Sheila, giggling. "But it was worth it just to see the look on your face!"

Venger sobered up and regarded the little winking piece of crystal in his hand, knowing he was facing the most difficult choice of his life. "Well?" Sheila asked quietly. "We could all fight to the death over who gets them all," she said. "Or you could give it to me so we can go home. Or I could try to talk Hank into giving them all to you. But somehow I doubt that last option would work," she added with a smile. "What do you want to do?"

"What I want is—" Venger found it hard to express. "I want something that I gave up. A thousand years ago. When I gave up my mortality. But it's too late, isn't it?"

"I don't know. Is it?" she asked quietly. For a moment their eyes met, and Sheila suddenly saw Venger in a new light.

Then his eyes hardened, and he held the shard between them. And he crushed it.

"Yes," he replied to her cry of dismay, letting the glittering dust sprinkle over her hair like sand.

"So," she said, after a moment, "what happens now?"

"We'll both forget any of this ever happened," he replied. "And everything goes back to the way it was."

"Except for one thing. You now know how I feel about Hank. If you _ever_ try to use that against either him or me," Sheila said in a deadly serious voice, "I'll tell them everything about what happened here. _Everything._ And you'll be humiliated. _Got that?_"

Venger inclined his head in a gesture of respect. "Agreed. But next time," he said menacingly, "expect no favors."

"Ditto…Romeo."

She'd vanished before he could demand to know what the reference meant.


	10. Chapter 10

"I still think that we should split up again and look for her," Presto said. "And I don't see why you wouldn't let me send up some of the flares my hat gave me!"

"I said no, Presto—how could she see them in this fog? And besides, if we split up again we'll just keep wandering around in circles again," Hank said reasonably, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

"We should've been more careful," Bobby kept saying. "I still think there was a way we could have used the whatzits to find her!"

"The _whatzits_, as you call them, are no longer useful to you, my children," said Dungeonmaster, his red robes trailing ropes of mist as he approached them.

"Dungeonmaster!" exclaimed Bobby.

"Venger has destroyed the last missing shard," Dungeonmaster continued.

"He destroyed it? But why?" asked Diana.

"He decided that he could no longer pay the price," Dungeonmaster told them.

Eric grinned. "Yeah…Sheila's enough to drive anyone crazy," he said.

"Don't you talk about my sister that way!" Bobby threatened.

"Be-aaaaah!" agreed Uni.

"Give it a rest, you two. Dungeonmaster….is Sheila all right?" asked Hank.

"Why not ask her yourself?" said the little sorcerer, and at his gesture the fog lifted from the valley, revealing a cloaked figure not a dozen yards away.

(It also revealed that they were nowhere near the gates of the ruins, as Hank had insisted, but Hank hoped they'd overlook that part.)

"Sheila!" they cried, and ran to greet her.

"So what happened?"

"Did you see Venger?"

"How'd you get away?"

_"What happened?" _

Sheila smiled, but found herself reluctant to speak of what she'd seen. All she would say was that what Dungeonmaster had told her had turned out true, as usual. Venger had tried to trick her by using the form of one she trusted. And she'd figured him out when he slipped and said something that only she knew about. And she'd tricked him back. She described her legendary punch with considerable pride and even showed them her bruised knuckles.

But she didn't tell them what she'd learned. And she didn't tell them that he, not she, was the one who'd had to make the terrible choice between what their heart desired most and what they'd been seeking all their life. She didn't want them to know she'd thrown another chance to get rid of him away. She didn't want to make their own moral decisions regarding Venger any harder than they had to be.

_But mostly_, she thought as the happy group made their way out of the ruins and on to their next adventure,_ I didn't tell them because…in the end…I kinda felt sorry for him. He must have such a lonely life…_

She glanced briefly at the Ring of the Mind, and slipped it on her finger.

_If worst comes to worst…I can always throw it at him again…_

_

* * *

_

Venger (having restored both his face and his horn) stared out the window at the Realm that he should be ruling.

_I should feel humiliated. I should feel like a complete and total fool. I destroyed another chance to conquer this wretched world…because of a girl. I even gave her the Ring of the Mind. What was I thinking? She knows too much. And now I am in debt to her, for I know she will not break her word. _

_She was magnificent. _

And Venger took that memory, and all the other memories and longings that the curse had awakened, and he buried them deep within the tattered, shriveled thing that was once his heart.

And he thought on it no more.

All at once he summoned his black stallion and took to the sky. He conjured up a terrible storm, a glorious display of wanton terror and pointless destruction, to celebrate his return to evil. And to scare the daylights out of those kids. He would crush them, finally! An evil grimace of anticipation came over his face.

A few hundred yards away, a stray lightning bolt singed the tail of a passing dragon. A five-headed, easily annoyed dragon, which immediately began to search for the source of its discomfort.

Dungeonmaster's pupils were sitting around their little campfire, making _s'mores_. They were in quite a festive mood—Presto's hat had been generous that night and the kids were eagerly gobbling down their first taste of chocolate and marshmallows since they'd gotten to the Realm. Venger grinned evilly and prepared a special bolt just to douse their puny fire. They saw him and began to scamper about.

Venger was pleased at their reaction, until they stopped running and started pointing behind him. Venger glared at them with disdain—did they think he was _that_ stupid, to fall for the oldest trick in the—

A large, irate dragon attacked him from behind. The next few minutes was spent fighting to avoid being alternately burnt, frozen, electrocuted, poisoned, dissolved, or chomped. It didn't help that, far below him, six kids (and a baby unicorn) were clapping and cheering him on.

"Nice to have you back, Horn-Head!" the thief called.

* * *

As Venger sped away, Tiamat in close pursuit, he vowed revenge.

Again.

For the 68th time that year.

_Something has got to be done about those blasted kids! _


End file.
